hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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