if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize