mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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