Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
