that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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