turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
