He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't notice because vodka
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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