there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
