I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
