Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
