I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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