Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
