What did we do last night that was yellow?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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