1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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