brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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