U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm always down for nudity.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
