Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
