I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize