Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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