Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
