I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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