He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
