you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
