She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
