FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
