Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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