ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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