mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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