it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
