it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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