im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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