i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
