what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
