I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
