You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
