It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
