But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
