wanna go halves on a baby?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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