i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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