i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
