he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
