It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
BRING THE BAGELS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
