why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
