I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
