all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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