Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I checked into jail on foursquare
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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