As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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