did you get engaged???
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
