no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
