I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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