dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
