Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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