Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
