You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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