I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
