i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
