oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
