YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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