Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
