no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
