Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
