thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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