last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
