sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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