That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And then he peed in my hair
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