I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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