I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Randomize
