Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
