I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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