Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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