Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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