I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
