i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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