i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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