how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
