I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
