I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
